This past weekend helped me to realize how much I've really come to appreciate being a part of Kariktan. These past couple of months performing at our 'revival' shows made me really feel a part of the family. It was the first time I could say I could've cried over leaving it...
6 years is one heck of a long commitment--and in that comes a lot of growth, especially when you start off as some shy, naive and dream-driven 12-year-old Catholic school girl and come out a full-grown, aware, driven, and more confident 18-year-old performing artist, friend, and woman. I have been given so much these past 6 years from Kariktan, no matter how many times I've complained through doing dances I don't want to do, or times when I didn't want to show up... Somehow, I always showed up when I could. Something was still holding me in. Why? Because I owe so much to you, KDC. You have given me a family.
I've never exactly had those close-knit family ties and relationships throughout most of my life. I never had that elder I could confide in, or that cousin I could share all my secrets with or spend time sleeping over, eating out of their fridge. My relationships with my family have always been distant. I guess a reason for that could be because of my father's early death in my youth, thus cutting off ties with his side of the family. My mom doesn't have many relatives here in the U.S. since she came here from the Philippines in the early 80s, I believe. It was usually always me, my brothers, my mom, and the aid of my mom's parents (my grandparents). I guess that's why I've come to love my two older brothers so much--we were all we had.
When Kariktan came up in 2006, my whole family became involved. Initially, it was my brothers who were involved, but so many families were already involved in it. I watched and wanted to be a part of it too, even though I was younger than the majority. Then, one day, the loud and scary old woman who was always yelling to all the kids about getting their timing and movements right, bending their backs and shifting their feet (literally), saw me pass by one day and encouraged me to join. My brothers, my brothers' friends, family members, and new faces... girls I could look up to so I could finally have that "womanly" influence on me... There was a sense of a love for dance, culture, art, family, community, and belonging in the room. So much youth and so much food (literally)... and all the places we could go. The rest is history from then on.
I don't want to recap on all of my experiences with Kariktan because that would be far too long, plus I could never be able to catch the effect of it all, for it really is something inexplicable and almost indescribable when you actually do it yourself, but... Kariktan has opened so many doors for me. Before, I was just following my two older brothers' footsteps, wanting to get in on what they do, but I found a place for myself in it. Kariktan brought my own little family together, as well as bringing me a new one that could never be replaced. I've seen countless faces come and go, and I've met people from all walks of life. Kariktan brought me closer to Steph Salas in the 7th grade, which later introduced me to API my sophomore year in high school. I became API-club president for 2 years, creating a motherly-sisterly bond with the heartwarming Ms. Canga, then turned my Confirmation sponsor. Through dancing at my school, I've met countless guys who "flocked" to me (as one would say), who I've paid in return with the joy and knowledge that can come through cultural dancing... Kariktan has helped build my experience with performing for event coordinators around the Bay Area, increasing my own social skills with my peers, fellow company-members, and those in the audience... It has given me a buttload of community service hours, probably being my ticket into acceptance at the University of California, Irvine, this coming fall... and aside from all that, I have grown so much. I wouldn't know how to wear or put on makeup without it, or how to dress to formal occasions, or how to behave and understand true commitment... I've become open-minded and accepting of all differences through this, especially when cultural dancing has been an under-appreciated art in our society....
I don't mean to ramble (my mind is half awake right now), but, Kariktan has been my stage for becoming the person I am today, and I couldn't be more grateful to it for that. I would've never thought I could dance, or let alone perform solo dances in front of thousands of people... I would've never become aware of my own image, and how much of an impact I truly can make. That, behind a pretty face lies a thousand stories untold... but only told when I dance, or when I write, or when I play music... It has given me a love for the performing arts, and made me realize my own beauty, as a person.
My mind really kept drifting off throughout this post (and I'm not sure if I got to say what I originally wanted to say), but, with all this being said, I have come to stand on my own two feet in this group, without having to stand alongside my two brothers. I've become my own person, and I've come to really connect with this family I've known for 6 years, which has truly felt like my entire life and childhood. They've seen me grow up since I was a little girl.... and I know that I can always walk in to open doors and opportunities with Kariktan. There are no insecurities, no awkward feelings... Just one open family enjoying the beauty, resilience, and splendor of music, dance, culture, and art. That, is what Kariktan stands for.
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