You know, rewinding to just one year ago, college seemed like some far-off idea that would never happen. College was the last thing on my mind, for I didn't have my heart set on any university and I just wanted to make the most of my Senior Year. It amazes me at how much I've grown in just those 5 months from November to April--I've seen myself in so many different lights that it both haunts me but makes me so darn proud at the same time. I was so shy, insecure, and reluctant to open up about my dreams and passions then--the things that mean the most to me--and to have had such a great group of girls who walked me through my transformation of opening up and being the quirky, thoughtful, and adorable "Sassafrass" I know I am really couldn't have made the end of my Senior Year, and life at Carondelet, anymore sweeter.
I'm blessed to have had such little knowledge of where to go because He, in the end, led me to the right direction. My brother going to USF and sucking all my private school money and the other going to SJSU, leading me to believe I can aim for a greater college, led me on the UC-route. Cal, you ended up too prestigious for me, and Santa Cruz, you remain too outdoorsy for me. Irvine being the only college my friends didn't get accepted into and also having such a great English program gave me enough reason to be a fool to deny going here. And, little did I know, Irvine would bring me so much of my Home and cater to my own personal needs, all the same, in a foreign place.
The people here are absolutely wonderful. Yes, there are many asians on campus, but there is so much diversity around here that lets you find the right place for you. The people are absolutely friendly and, being one of the "happiest" campuses in the nation and a highly selective school, people are willing to care for each other. It's nice to have that effort of communal bonding in the dorms. The campus is also so reminiscent of De La Salle and Carondelet--the "rich white suburbia" stereotype reigns true to its buildings and campus. Irvine is too beautiful of a campus compared to surrounding schools and I can never get over it. The city itself is too much of a "safe escape" and, just like Disneyland, they would do anything to keep the "happiness" and "safety" of the city alive. Getting rid of hobos or street-wanderers? They are nowhere to be seen. I love having the ability to run around like free-spirited children at midnight or across lawns and parks and having no one judging or threatening me. I feel safe. And happy.
I think what I love most about UC Irvine is its amazing Arts community. Living in Mesa Court in the music hall, it's so comforting to have such great talents surrounding me every day--drama majors, theater majors, film majors, studio art majors, voice majors, music majors, and dance majors... You can never get enough of the people you see and meet here. Irvine's theater, concert, and show communities are absolutely beautiful, and having such a wide expanse of artistic talent allows me to cater to my inspiration any day. I've been learning so much on the guitar lately (I'm solo-ing now, what?!), and I've been slowing opening up about singing; writing is something that is being catered to as well... Living in a largely engineering, bio, and research-based college, it's so comforting to know there is a huge mass of artistic talent here. It gives me more confidence to actually pursue what I actually want to do... And it's an amazing thing how much you can learn from these other people.
My living situation is equally wonderful. My international roommate and I are both relatively quiet people which makes our room a good environment. She tends to go off at night and away the entire day so I have the room to myself a lot of the time--you have no idea how thankful I am for this, because I feel that every second of the rest of the day, I am constantly mingling and being distracted by my hallmates! I always feel the need to plug back in and rejuvenate, which is why my room is such a sweet escape... It's wonderful to constantly be doing things and still have the time to tend to my own needs (it could be that I've been given so much free time because of my relaxed schedule this quarter). Nonetheless, I've been eating well and soft-serve ice cream never ceases to please.
It's so strange to think that this upcoming week will already be Week 7 of 10. It will be so refreshing to be back Home, knowing it's the place I've grown up my entire life and that's shaped me into the person I am today. Going back Home kind of scares me a bit to be honest, just because I don't know what to expect or how it will feel (I know how weird and "empty" people feel when they return Home). But, I know I can never be bitter towards it. I know my life now belongs here in Irvine because this is where I'm living now, and where everything in my life is happening. Being away from Home has allowed me to grow in a place I can completely feel free to be me. It allows me to become aware of the things that I truly value in my life, and the people, places, and things that mean the most to me. The sentiments I hold onto stay true to my character; what I am here in college is who I am, period, at this point in my life. Learning more about myself? It's more like learning more about what I can do for myself.
There will be a time for Us, but right now, this is where I am. To have always lived a life finding where I belong, searching for my right footing and the things to hold onto, answering others needs, and never speaking up for what I want... This is the time I can actually feed myself some love, too. It's a sweet disposition.
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