Sometimes, it takes the small friendly encounters, the brief moments with loved ones, and the slaps-in-the-face that make you feel so entirely grateful.
Have you ever had one of those days where everything just seemed to "fit"? Where everything, at first, seemed so minor and insignificant, but, at the end of the day, you find yourself smiling and feeling plain good about yourself? I think it always takes me a few days and moments with people to finally settle in and feel comfortable with where I am--finding the cures to kill homesickness. At times, I just feel so darn naïve when I find myself complaining about things I admit to myself. Who wouldn't, right?
I've found in myself that when I have a little "hope" to uphold in myself--some minor goal or thing to look forward to--it tends to become easier to get through the rubble (or "weed through the rubble" as Meg Frampton would say). My life, as I see it now, has always been based off of Opportunity. And, when I open myself up to as many opportunities I can, I am able to pick-and-choose (sometimes willingly and unwillingly) the ones which most coincide with what I want to accomplish--my life goals. Who'da'thunk a shy young girl like me would ever be transformed into some elegant soloist and performing artist at such a ripe young age? Who'da'thunk I'd ever have the guts to bear my life and soul in front of girls I've barely had the chance to know? I find these moments my most defining, and most fulfilling opportunities I've had throughout my life. It's all about the element of surprising yourself with what you're actually capable of, and having a "Wow" moment with yourself. Too many times, I find myself living on others hand-and-foot just because of my innate tendency to empathize with people and to retain that "good, gentle, and humble" spirit. I too often see the good in people (which may have its downfalls) that it becomes easy for me to constantly please. But, it's these moments where I take a step back and totally own myself, and take control of what I want to do, that I feel most fulfilled. Of course you've always gotta have that balance, and too much satisfaction is a life incomplete... But, I guess what scares me is when I don't really have a control over where my life goals are headed. Where I don't really know if they are headed anywhere, and I feel as if I'm living in "repeated motion", as I said in my last blog... (and, truth, we can never control aspects of our lives which are out of our control). As an idealist, I've always been out for self-improvement. As a human-being, I've always been out for a sense of peace and contentment within myself. But, with the two, you can never have both. Balance is key. My stars are written in Harmony, and that's what I ought to find in myself.
Long story short, it's the moments that bring you back Home to what you've known and loved the most: the small friendly encounters with like-minded people that remind you of what you've grown up on, and where you were from; the brief moments with loved ones that remind you of just how much love you have in your life; and the slaps-in-the-face that remind you that the little things that bother you today become so minor later on, for there's such a bigger world outside of you right now. Best you can do now is try as hard as you can to have a grasp on where you are headed in life, and continually try to bring yourself closer to that. Of course, some things may forever be unknown, but, as long as you are able to find your ground again, stepping your feet into the water and no longer feeling like a "fish out of water", you'll be Ok. Just take a long breath, pause, and look yourself in the mirror. Remember why it is you are where you are, and what you can do to make the most of what you have now. Think of what you have: not what you have not.
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