It's easier said than done, and I find myself throwing phrases like this all around the year at different times and phases of life, but: Remind yourself to slow down and relax.
I think growing up in such a slow-paced suburban "smell the roses" kind-of-town where everybody grew up on family and Catholicism, it was easy for a wide-eyed girl like me to dream of what it would be like to get out there into the world and really make a difference. It didn't help that I first started blogging 7 years ago (with my brothers and few older friends taking notice of my talent), that I wanted to be a songwriter in the 3rd grade, and that I even ventured into looking into film cameos and the like by my sophomore year. I guess I felt my life always served a bigger purpose, and the more and more I keenly looked into the lives of my friends and colleagues, I realized I wasn't just an ordinary girl like the ones I saw around me. I was a thinker, exploring different mental capacities and ideas, as inspired from my first profound influence--J.E.M.--in my life. I was a dreamer, always trying to make a name for herself in the small community I found myself in, as can be found through my writing and musical pursuits. I was a Romantic, both in its artful aestheticism and in its lovey-dovey-ness, as seen through my interest in culture and the individual. As a thinker, a dreamer, and a Romantic, I yearned to make a name for myself through Art. Because, as it were, I found myself to have a talent in it: dance found me in the 6th grade, and I've grown into a full-fledged performing artist; writing found me in grade school, but was finally tapped into as my sophomore English teacher really pushed me to further my talents; music found me when I nagged my brother for his guitar and signed up for lessons with a teacher who constantly said, "I've taught a lot of students over the years, but no one has picked it up quite as quickly as you."
Some have said I've always been a "humble ship". That I tend to float around, happy as a bumble bee, enjoying the company of a family who loves her, friends who care for her, and a people who both learn and grow from her. I was never one who found the need, just yet, to settle down with someone, for I had my own dreams I wished to pursue and other things in mind. I always sought a peaceful lifestyle in which I could grow from that girl who always sat in the back of the classroom and didn't talk much, but who always seemed to be smiling to whoever caught her eye. There was an innocence. There was a deepness. And there was a pure presence in the moment of the dream.
I've always wanted to get out there, but, somehow, something deep inside me is telling me that I can find pure comfort in getting there, but not in the way I had at first imagined. Perhaps a quieter approach to it, as my modesty has always been written on, and my subtlety in nature has always provided; a "background" approach, in which I can still change, challenge, and inspire minds that allow me to live the simple life I wish to live, as I've grown up on, but also the "crazier", out-of-the-ordinary side of life I've always sought; a place somewhere in-between, for the experiences in my life that have meant the most to me remind me of the exact pleasure I can have from being me and utilizing my talents in a community garnered toward a more intimate kind of audience. A more intimate kind of success--more personal, more sincere, and true to who I am.
I may just rambling right now (this time of the year tends to do that to me), but, I must never forget what my talents have brought me. Yes, impatience in achieving an ideal sense of progress is bound to happen, but, I have to learn to stop being so steadfast. I can't control the ways of the world, but I can control how I utilize my talents right now. To live, to love, to be a good person... Don't get too wrapped up into your own issues too much. There's a whole of a hell of a lot better world out there waiting for you. Take time to stop and smell the roses, and if it takes two to tango, you better learn to tango! "Maybe God has a bigger plan for me than I had for myself... Like this, journey never ends... Like you were sent to me [for a reason]..." You live and get by, but make it worthwhile. Know in your heart that this is what you love to do.
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