From watching 4 USF, 3 San Jose State, and 2 UC Berkeley Pilipino Cultural Nights (PCNs) over the course of 5 years, I just want to say, Thank you Kababayan, for allowing me to opportunity to finally be involved in something I've watched my older brothers, friends, and mentors perform in for so long. I've been in many large-scale stage productions over the years for Filipino cultural dance, but this experience has really opened my eyes to what exactly the Pilipino-American Cultural Night experience is.
Culture, to me, has been something very principal to my life. When thinking of culture, it is easy to think of the traditional sense of it--the historic past of our ancestors, with all the struggles and native traditions and rituals--but, it has recently come to my attention that culture isn't exactly in the past. Culture can, as well, be what we are today. We are living and creating culture right now, because culture is a way of living life and the attitude one preserves in it, collectively. As Pilipino-American students, it is important to note that we have created our own culture in this very life we are living right now, and PACN is the testament to that culture. (And now I think in my head, "It all just makes sense now!") Pilipino-American Cultural Night: The night to showcase our culture; Of what we are, who we are, and what exactly we all are, and have been. It's not just about the cultural dances, but everything We are collectively.
Before, it was so easy to watch these things so subjectively, but by actually being in one and going through the process of it has allowed me to see the production objectively, from the wider viewpoint of what it is as a whole--the true meaning that lies in the real culture night.
Filipino folk dancing has become something very important to me over the past 7 years (ever since I was 12) because it was something I built with my family, and brought together my family. Kariktan--you have always been my second-family, and I'm entirely grateful for what you have given me over the years. You've taught me so much about growing up, the importance of family, all through an activity that really roots us all together. You've helped me find something in myself I never knew existed. And you really played a vital role in bringing together my family. Dancing and performing with you was the one activity that brought me and my family closer together, allowing us the room to bond, learn, and work together for one same and similar goal in mind. No words can really explain the wonder of it. (Note: Mind you, I don't know why I'm getting all sappy right now. I apologize!) I've seen so much of the world, of our Filipino community all around the Bay Area, and have been to so many different places, venues, weddings, festivals, gardens, homes, lakes, forests, parties because of you... Little did I know that this little process of traveling to and from places was a part of that journey of learning about the culture I am living and breathing today. There was a truth to be learnt just in the process of traveling.
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Before I start to ramble even more, I'd like to bring this post back to PACN. Right now, I am experiencing a similar sort of feeling I experienced when I first went through Kairos, November of my senior year. I fondly remember myself thinking, "Wow, what is all the hype about this retreat? Why does everyone come back loving each other?" It was very out of my nature to decide to go on this retreat, since I was so stubborn, insecure, and 'sure of myself' then; but, although the actual experience of the retreat didn't allow me to grow those said stereotypes of 'loving everyone' and coming back with so many new friends, the real wonder came through what was learnt from that first retreat experience. I learned to love everyone, because I learned that we all have struggles of our own, no matter how little or insignificant; I learned that everyone truly is the same, and the differences we establish among ourselves are so petty; I learned that looking at the world so pessimistically isn't healthy, and there is a real beauty that comes from truly appreciating what is around you and making the most of what you have--not thinking what you have not (this allowed me to truly embrace and appreciate a true friendship in my life). This experience somehow correlated to PACN. Although I didn't make the most or best of friends with those I would have liked to, or have met as many new people as I would have liked to in my first PACN, the real beauty was in what was learnt from this experience. And, just as my second Kairos retreat, April of my senior year has allowed me to do, (I thankfully and luckily had the opportunity to go on it again), it gave me the opportunity to implement everything I learned on my first Kairos through truly living what I learned--through loving others openly and honestly, to being more comfortable with myself and what I have to offer, and really being a shining example of that love--just through the act of being involved and being one of the head leaders of the entire retreat experience. Now, PACN. Granted another year comes, will being a part of the PACN team allow me that same opportunity--not exactly experience, but rather--the wonder of putting in so much effort in something to help foster others' knowledge about themselves and of others, through something that comes so natural to me? Love and Faith, so natural, coming through in Kairos. Culture and Dance, so learnt, coming to use in PACN. It's crazy how similar, when I think of it, Kairos--something I look back at so fondly--and PACN can actually be. Kairos was the journey of loving myself, others, and growing in myself and faith with others. PACN is the journey of loving myself, others, and growing in myself and culture with others. And, as I have come to realize, the most worthwhile of experiences for me are those where I am able to put my best self forward to lead and help others through a journey. A process. An exploration. A self-discovery. It is when I feel my life serves a purpose. That is what makes me feel alive.
