Late Night Reveries

As I sink back into the comfort of my floral pink bedsheets and fuzzy red throw that remind me of the fact home isn't too far away here in my dorm, I find myself reaching back for my computer as I type this.

You ever get the slightest nudges in your head that tell you you need to write something, right now? I never pass up an opportunity to write or play music when inspiration comes knocking at my door. I get the feeling that, as Elizabeth Gilbert might say, my 'genius' is knocking on my door and I have to let it in to do its wonders.
 
Perhaps it's just the feeling that I feel I have something to say.



This Lenten season has proven to be a time for a lot of reflection in my life. Lent can be seen as a time of "dying to one way of life and rising to another"... With a new environment, new school, new surroundings, and being quite alone from everything I ever used to know, I would have to learn to adapt to survive. Now, I've found that its been apparent in my nature to be very adaptable to both situations and people. Ever heard of the Pisces being some sort of chameleon?

Having my fair share of a full college experience and times set aside returning home have allowed me to keep a healthy balance of what it is that I value the most in my life while adapting to new situations. It's about keeping yourself in check when you can't find the time to do it yourself at times. Albeit, I haven't changed much, but I have grown a lot and come to know myself a little better. I thought I'd share with you a couple of things I've learned as of late:

1. I am perfectly happy being alone. I've found that I tend to treasure the moments I find myself cooped up in my dorm, free to roam the wild imaginations in my head and musical yearnings in my heart. I find myself most at ease and a good grasp of who I am to keep a straight head. My happiness doesn't really depend on other people, but on how I feel about myself.
2. I'm really conflicted with school. I don't know what I'm doing here, and you can bet I am in no place enthused to be here; but, I try to make the most of what this time can offer me now, and there was never any shame in that, right?
3. I'm probably second-guessing school for one or both of two reasons: 1) I find that Irvine doesn't offer me as many opportunities as I can be exposed to; there is a better school to go to for songwriting and film studies (that are not out of my grasp); this is the most apt time to pursue things, and I feel as if I'm wasting my time; and/or 2) every time I come home, I realize just how much of a home and life I have there; I'm entirely happy and sane being with my family and brothers; I've got a Filipino folk dance company I always miss and plan on coming back to every chance I get; my best friend is back home; I love the people and seeing old faces.
4. BUT, I've also realized how much a blessing Irvine has been for me for several reasons: 1) I surpassed the fear of leaving home and have found a sort of independence and true traveling spirit in me (as well as loving being on the road and sleeping in different cities night-to-night/San Jose); 2) it has made California seem smaller to me, and thus, made the world smaller; 3) I've become more aware of the reality of what it is I wish to do with my life, and just how much it all means to me; 4) I've become more Asian in a sense, in that I know just a little more about Asian culture, perks, and cuisine!; 5) I've been exposed to different people, and have seen how surprising people can be; 6) I've been blessed with a new friend.
5. I've realized that if I want to grow and get the most stuff done, I will probably have to stay in SoCal.
6. I've also realized that, to know and re-live what it is that is true to my inner core, beliefs, and values, I will probably have to be in NorCal for long periods of time.
7. What keeps me going in life is having a constant Mentor.
8. I really do love my brothers. Really really love.
9. J.E.M. was and is still such an inspiration to me.
10. I still miss the one who said, "I hope my daughter grows up to be like you."
11. I've realized that I'm the type of person who would throw away having the 'college experience' if it meant really working towards what I want to do, and be.
12. College has made me a little restless in pursuing things, but by being restless, it has also reminded me to slow down at times and try to make the most of what I've got. Is it a 'one-or-the-other' situation?
13. I still love staying up late writing nonsense.

At 3 a.m., I am withdrawing and welcoming in the new Spring Quarter with these hanging thoughts. Good night, and remember, This is the last week before Easter. Make it count, and get ready for the coming season, To start anew, and leave the old dirt behind.

Can you believe it's almost a year since April Kairos? Leading... It was the perfect way to have welcomed this season, and to have really Bloomed.