"Don't do what you love. Love what you do."

It's times like these I just want to ask myself, "What are you waiting for?"

Year after year, my new year's resolutions seem to resemble each other in so many ways. Yes, keep your values. Yes, get better at guitar. Yes, make music. Yes, perform, record, write, love, live, and be kind to others... Those are the most important things I've kept in my life and I consistently tell myself every year that I will sing and I will record this year.

I can say happily my other new year's goals have been fulfilled without a doubt and with hardly any unease. When will I truly challenge myself, and step out of my comfort zone and do what I really want to do-- the hidden messages found inbetween the lines?

Looking back at all of the accomplishments I've had these past 4 years, I am proud of where I stand today. But, like any other girl, I keep wanting to do better and be better. It's true, we are our own worst enemies and nobody will critique you harder than yourself. I've gone from that shy mute girl transformed into a graceful cultured dancer into a guitar-playing junkie into a writer and visionary into a student-run club leader, full-out friend, and student retreat leader, leaving others with all my grace and all the imprints I've left on their lives, and somehow their hearts, with the story of my life. But, that was only the beginning.

"In the last few weeks of school, I think the rest of the world got to see the side of you it truly needed to see." Accepting your past is the only way to move into the future, and as I did that, it amazes me to see where I stand now...

Have you ever heard of the dreamer's disease? Probably not, because I just made that up, ha! but really, dreaming really is a disease... When you're stuck in this state of mind where you're in another world? Where you keep dreaming of some ideal world when you don't appreciate the most of what's in front of you? Maybe you've come to have a little pride along the way, thinking you're better than those things around you? You keep telling yourself you'll be happy later down the road when you get "that"?

Well tell me, "that" is just grazing your fingertips. Rid of all your "I will's" and start doing the "I am's", and take the steps necessary to get there... A big problem I've always had was fear. It's taken me a long while to grow fully comfortable in my own body, as I'm still insecure and entirely shy in front of people I don't know... The thought of leaving some place you've grown so comfortable in, in your own kind of "bubble", is scary... and I've fears of stepping outside of my own comfort zone without someone else telling me things as if "I'm already there" or "You're already great". I need to grow up and be able to do these things without the help or support of a friend.... Because all they say is what I already know, but choose to deny in the back of my mind.

One easy way to re-live my "growth" is by watching all my old youtube videos in chronological order... My old videos of my guitar-playing are absolutely horrific (I think). but, as I'm still growing now, I would've never gotten to now if it weren't for before-- as cliche as it sounds.

Anyway, as I must say to myself as well, "Don't do what you love-- Love what you do." Makes you think twice ya? Doing something instead of actually loving it... Surround yourself with positive people and just be you-- whatever you may be and what it is you do... Now that's the true guarantee to a happy life!

P.S. As a side note, I just want to say, "I miss you." If you're a follower of my other blog, you would've seen a little note I said of missing this particular person. How we've been too out of touch for too long, and how a rarity like ours should never be ignored, especially when she said, "I hope my daughter grows up to be like you." My goodness-- go ahead and make my heart just plummet! (It's too sweet of a thing to say...) I may have taken my friendships for granted, and it does disappoint me. I think this person deserves a call. Very very soon. Just to reunite and catch up, like old times. Because, after all, "What are you waiting for?" Tell people how you feel before it's too late! Ha!

"It is an eye-opening experience, not about you seeing a new world, but about you seeing a new you."

I'm beginning to feel as if I'm losing my humility.

I got my MacBook Pro today and I feel absolutely guilty for having it. I know I've no reason to feel guilty because 1) I need a laptop for college and 2) the quality of this thing is unbeatable. But, that little feeling of not deserving this laptop is really starting to eat me up inside. I've never been one to want the "fanciest" and "newest" things in technology--I was happy with my first flip cell phone for 4 straight years until I had to get it upgraded this past January. Even when I did upgrade it, I insisted on no smart phone or something that could give me Internet (I found the Internet should stay on computers; I'd hate to become glued to my phone), but only something that could offer me what I needed on a cell phone.

You might find this as some silly Mac rant and could be pointing at me saying, "What! Are you crazy? Mac's are so expensive and you're lucky to have one!" I know I'm lucky to have one, but when I lay down a lot of cash for something, it has to be something I am deeply in love with--or else I begin to feel guilty, like I do right now. Looking back on that new guitar I bought myself for a good $500 a couple months ago, I'd rather have used the money for this Mac on an even better guitar, and settled on some cheap quantity-based PC laptop that'll last me half the lifetime of this Mac. (Okay, maybe I take that second part back...)

The reason I feel I'm beginning to lose my humility is because I feel like I'm not being honest with myself. For the past week, I've been cooped up in my house for no good reason at all and it caused me to feel as if I were going crazy and rotting inside of my own body due to lack of productivity. There are absolutely very little things I hate more than having a lack of productivity, so you can bet the feeling was terrible. Later on into the week, I decided I was going to write--just for the sake of my sanity. I know that sounds silly for someone who's going to major in writing, but lately, I've been getting overly-conscious of my writing because it's been losing its integrity. It doesn't feel real to me anymore, probably because I've exhausted myself of it so much, trying to crank out new writing that I'll actually appreciate, and even searching through the last few drops in my little well of "inspiration". My writing feels tasteless and ingenuine--and readers can sense that kind of stuff.

I know it will be silly to admit that the sole reason I wanted a Mac was because it has GarageBand--I've heard of its wonders. My favorite band of all-time that really helped me start engaging in music and pursuing my own talents in it (and realizing my writing) even used GarageBand to record their own demos (Meg Frampton herself has even talked about how she couldn't live without her Mac). I figured GarageBand would be of good use for me. My brother served as the perfect salesman for me too because he convinced me of all of Mac's wondrous capabilities and user-friendly applications..... I forgot one thing. I'm a PC person and I hate computers (they frustrate more than please me 99% of the time). So why the heck do I have a Mac? Because I was led to believe this was the best possible choice for me (and it probably is; I just have to force myself to fall in love with it first...).

And with that little situation, I realized one of my major weaknesses: people-pleasing. If you're a good friend of mine, you already know how hard it is for me to make the simplest decisions. So, I resort to my peers for "advice", and I end up seeking them for reassurance. Since when have I ever made a decision by myself? When I was picking out colleges, I hadn't looked hard enough to really know what college was the perfect "fit" for me--I just applied to colleges people had baby-fed me (a small liberal arts college seems ideal, but oh how little money can take you...). That's why I was stuck with the choice of UC Santa Cruz vs. Irvine. I didn't get to choose my college--UCI chose me. We all know how afraid I was of the distance and being away from home; but, to look on the bright side, I guess UCI gave me that push to leave home and all my insecurities away.

It's funny (and I talked about this in my Kairos talk...), I've always been one who has prided herself on the idea that she knew herself so well. That I knew who I was and what I was supposed to be doing--I was that quiet and reserved writer and closet musician who was known for her "cute" and "adorable" mannerisms yet profound thoughts in her head. and, for so long, I let that "title" rule me. I left no room for striving to be other things and trying new experiences, because I was so close-minded and wanted to showcase and be who I was thought to be. Don't get me wrong--I am a closet writer and musician with those "adorable" yet awkward mannerisms and said-profound thoughts, but, I let myself become obsessed with it and I lost my pure, honest, and open-simple-mindedness that I had always had for as long as I could remember. Where had the Jamie Sullivan in me gone? What happened to my deep devotion to my faith and God? What happened to the pure simplicity I had for writing--for it to be my space for self-expression? not self-appreciation or peer acceptance?

It's moments like these where I have too much time to myself and I begin to realize all of my flaws and errors. but, like times to myself have always been, they have given me a lot of time to re-evaluate the things in my life, and the way I've been living it.

It's time to seek harmony. Ha. My moon sign = Libra = harmony. It just makes sense. No wonder I find so much pleasure in the aesthetics and no-conflicts, therefore people-pleasing. and my sun sign = Pisces = deep emotions and creativity. No wonder I like to float in my own emotions sometimes, to the point where it may even drown my poor little frail fishy self. That fish-out-of-water feeling gets too familiar sometimes...

I can say that letting go of the things I became so obsessed with my freshman and sophomore years have really helped me gain a sense of my own identity. Without trying to fit into the mold I found myself in so much, I gave myself the ability to breathe. I still suffocate at times, I admit... but sometimes, those near-death experiences make you appreciate what you truly value in your life just a little more.

I'm thinking less, and doing more, all with my old values of truth and goodness ruling it so I don't lose myself. I'm trying--and the more I let go of my obsessions to be something and someone I'm not, the more I feel that harmony I so naturally seek.

I may be at a period in my life where I don't feel my writing does me justice--or it may even be just me being too hard on myself--but, whatever the case: as a friend once told me, "It is an eye-opening experience, not about you seeing a new world, but about you seeing a new you."

 

P.S. and as for that Mac, I guess I've just gotta teach myself to love what truly is wonderful in my life. I'm not for forcing yourself to love something (or someone, for that matter...oh dear God), but growing an appreciation and realizing that this all really is happening for the better.... Now that's something.

May I, come face-to-face...

Now, I don't normally post my writings/poems/songs on here, but I felt the need to share this one. Do with it whatever you wish:

RACHEL ANN CAUILAN
JULY 2011

When these days grow colder
And weeks will pass me by, passing cars live their life
When the window pane grows musty
And I, stare with a broken dream

These records I play grow old on me
Keep on wanting to escape, through them
And when I feel like a waste of space
May I, come face-to-face

~

Living life becomes a trouble
When old habits take the wheel, ridding of your own ideal
Time to see the new world
Where uncertainty rings true, cheers to a new you

These worries I speak grow old on you
Shall I dance for the modern age, just to make my wage
When I feel in need to repeal
May I, come face-to-face

~

These worries I speak grow old on you
Shall I dance for the modern age, just to make my wage
When I feel in need to repeal
May I, come face-to-face
May I, come face-to-face...

I wrote this mainly about that familiar feeling of uncertainty we all come across. Whether it's about conflicting choices or lack of productivity in our own lives, I wrote this to motivate myself to "see the new world" where I can finally see a "new me"-- one that isn't stuck on familiar soil, watching cars constantly pass me by. Choices we make to "see a new world" aren't always gonna be good ones-- we might just perform a silly "dance" just to "make our wage", or make our way through. We might want to forget and "repeal" the silly errors and mistakes we make, but, we have to acknowledge them and move on... Come face-to-face with our own lives. What we do to it is all on us.

Notice how I didn't exactly finish the line "May I, come face-to-face"? That trailing phrase can go however way you wish. You may want to come face-to-face with many things-- the things you need to acknowledge, the things you wish to find, to meet, to experience... In my case? Clarity. Harmony. But, first, I've gotta come face-to-face with the reality of things in my own life and the way things are situated. To make my best use of them, and make the effort to...

Friendship

You know, the topic of "friends" has really been crossing my mind lately and, I felt that if I were to actually confront it rather than "beat it around the bush", maybe I'd have a better understanding of myself and my own habits with "friends".

All the time--from movies to the Internet to our own friends and colleagues--we are bombarded with overdone fairy tales about the history of childhood friends who grow up together and live their entire lives side-by-side until marriage (or 'til "death do us part"). (The movie Bride Wars reminded me of this.) Friendship is kind of like marriage in a way. and, I guess when it gets to that point, two people who love each other have to grow to become each others friends for a successful marriage (and, sadly, some people never get to that point).

In my past life, it does pain me to think of the lost relationships I've had. Things just happen and you make silly errors that will never be understood by the other. Back in elementary school, I've had such carefree times with friends I've grown up with for so long, never giving the friendship much thought-- I just enjoyed it for what it was. There were no worries about common interests or similar hairstyles or musical tastes-- the friendship just happened. It was easy. It was carefree.

Once "teenage angst" hit me as I got to high school, I really began to re-evaluate myself and my friendships. Freshman year was the brink of my growing ever so insecure about myself-- one thing I used to never be. A main thing that got me was that my friendships felt like they were lacking so much, and I wanted more. I felt kind of alone and unheard of-- "in the background". I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing, but when you let it get to the point of just letting those old friendships fade away, you realize just how nice it would've been to have kept those nearby. These movies and stories you read all the time about these perfect friendships really makes you want one of your own-- and, the more you want it, the more it almost becomes like an impossible "dream", a "fairy tale". But, things do turn around, even if it's not exactly the way you planned or hoped for.

Now, I've never exactly been the social butterfly who interacted with others well and made friends easily. This is a main reason why my first couple years of high school felt like I was in the shadows so much-- others took me in, but they weren't exactly my friends. They were just people I identified with, even though they knew nothing about me.

It is depressing to think about, but, please bare with me because there is a point. Distance really is killer. Even though nothing bad may have happened between you two, the more time spent apart really does make things tense. Going separate ways and separate paths in search of something different, or something more, is never a bad thing. It's just that when it happens, the idea of having lost something you never really noticed, does sadden you a bit.

I think something I've always had a problem with was intimacy. Whenever friendships or relationships grew too close, I'd become scared and back off. It is an insecurity, and when my Kairos small group adult leader mentioned how she wanted to work on placing more trust in people, that was like a huge slap in the face for me and I had some sort of "revelation". At this point in my life, I felt like I was floating on air-- I've bared it all in front of these girls and shoved my heart on the ground for them to see, but, there was still something inside of me I haven't come to terms with yet, and I hadn't even realized was that one thing still tugging at me. Friends.

It's so easy to remain so distant and not entirely close to others because it gives you room to be, in some sort of way, a "new you". A "you" that isn't already prejudged or preconceived where you are able to say what you feel and be who you are (for the most part). That's what makes Kairos such a fitting environment to lay it all and be open and honest with everyone-- you've no worries. Distance makes you free.

That makes me think now... What for distance vs. escape? The next time you do feel like creating "distance", ask yourself: Is it a way to simply make you breathe a little? Or are you trying to escape from something?

Anyway, not to get off-topic, but, I think that once you come to terms with your own faults and weaknesses, you are able to gain more knowledge of yourself. After all, as a good teacher of mine once said to me, "It is an eye opening experience, not about you seeing a new world, but about you seeing a new you." When you find yourself in foreign territory (and perhaps completely vulnerable), you are allowing yourself the opportunity to grow, learn, and see yourself in a new light you haven't been able to see before. And, with that, always comes, first, courage, and second, new knowledge.

The things that have happened in our past may cause us some unease, or it may even bring us to times we wish to re-live because we were our "best -selves ever"... Whatever the case, who you were then, has led you to who you are now. There's a quote in the book Slaughterhouse-Five I read this past year that goes something like, "There isn't any particular relationship between all the messages, except that ... when seen all at once, they produce an image of life that is beautiful and surprising and deep. There is no beginning, no middle, no end ... [It is] the depths of many marvelous moments seen all at one time." Simply put-- who we are isn't at one point in our lives, but who we are at the sum of all these moments in our lives. "We are the sum of our experiences" as it's said, right?

Anyway, I tend to keep running off on all these different tangents now, but, what all these "marvelous moments" in my life have taught me is that I've still got lots of room to grow, but, I sure am not the same person I was just a few months ago. Things help you open your mind and widen your perspective about things-- which is one thing that has allowed me to be more grateful and appreciative of my own relationships. It's always been hard for me to make friends or relate well with others, but, once I put that "pride" of being so well-off on my own away, then will I come to terms with myself.

Nobody likes to be alone, let's face it. But, who we are when we are together can really become something-- something beautiful, in any friendship or relationship. You've just gotta put yourself out there, become aware of who and what you are, and realize that the ground you're standing on really is a good place to be in (of course, once you've dug yourself out of the rut).

Be well, my fellow readers. One thing I must do? Practice placing more trust in people and being less afraid. Let others know who I really am and can be-- some lucky people have caught a glimpse of that. What is it you need to do?

Pandamonium, Lovesongs, and the Voice

It's been exactly 6 weeks since the start of my vacation-- weeks I can't quite take back (just for the sake of making better use of my time), but there have been several moments and events that I've fully enjoyed. I've still got 12 more weeks of vacation (dear God!) and I hope to make the most of it by investing my time with the people and things I love! Before I escape into the world of college, I still hope to make the most of my music lessons, attend concerts, create, record, and make some new music, and travel to as many places I can. Oh how I love being on the road...

~

Two weeks ago, I helped a fellow classmate (and super talented singer, I must add) with leading her church's faith camp in the Music Team (we coined ourselves "Pandamonium" since the entire camp was called "Panda Mania" where "God is wild about you", oh goodness...). It was a week-long and, I must say, although the entire idea seems off-putting, being surrounded by those kids' smiling faces and playing music all morning with and for those kids was so enjoyable. It's kind of funny, because the entire event was sort of a reality check for me, which is why I'm entirely grateful to have had that opportunity to make good use of my mornings (instead of sleeping in 'til 1pm). Going into camp, I had absolutely no idea what to expect-- and to add, I didn't exactly know anybody there except for Lauren herself and Aaron (the pianist), who graduated years before but is friends with friends I know. There's something about newfound friendships that are so comforting... I'm just so glad to have gotten closer to these people and meet some new ones along the way.

The entire week, I hitched rides with Lauren's family before and after camp, and can I just say that the Connolly family is ever so adorable? Seeing the way they interacted with each other and the cuteness between Lauren and her little sister... Every car ride felt like such an adventure! Showtunes are constantly playing and random familial conversations are happening that just put a huge smile to my face. Her family is so nice and alive and is constantly talking; it's so heartwarming because it's kind of the family I never had. Growing up with two older brothers and a quiet mom (and grandparents), I guess you could say my home has always been very quiet, especially with my brothers having gone off to college. When we all are home, we usually invest ourselves on our own things at home by watching TV, going on the computer, going out, etc. Her family seemed like they have so much fun together, and talk a lot haha (which, for me, is always something I've enjoyed since I'm not much of a talker myself). It was a nice change-- and to see the interaction between her family and the rest of her family and relatives all over town since they live so close was so heartwarming. Not only was it a sense of family, but it was also a sense of being in a community. I've always loved that, and I'd love to have that sort of family when I grow up.

Spending so much time with Lauren and even sleeping over her house (might I add we're not entirely close and have never really hung out or talked to each other much-- we've only really talked about wanting to record together someday) somehow brought me a greater awareness of what I haven't had in a long time, and what I had missed. Old friendships that I've lost touch with from my childhood came into the picture. The years growing up with each other, the countless time spent with each other celebrating birthdays, Christmases, watching movies, sleeping over... It's irreplaceable, because these are the people you've grown up with. Being with Lauren's family reminded me of how much I miss that. It reminded me of how kind other peoples' families truly are, and how there is so much life going on out there. As I've lacked good friendships my past 4 years at Carondelet (which includes the sleepovers and girl-talk and friends' houses to go over to), it was refreshing to be able to have that again. And, I don't know how I could say this in a more gentle way, but, it also reminded me of how white I really am-- hahaha! I've grown up with and in a white community all my life, and my best and first ever best friend was white. Being close to her family as if I was a part of her family was so comforting, whether I knew it back then or not. This entire experience makes me wish I had made these friendships so much sooner (but, I’m pretty sure anyone on Kairos would love to say that, haha). Of course I've always been grateful for how everything has panned out, it just would’ve been so much nicer... because a part of me that I hadn’t even realized was missing—an essential part of what I had adored growing up, but never knew it—was found in this experience with Lauren and her family.

Whether it was the kids' shining faces bringing back a sense of real joy, or the music that I missed playing and creating and time invested in it, or the unity and camaraderie of family that I saw, admired, enjoyed, and adored so so much… I’m very grateful for whatever did happen that week, because something that’s been missing in me for a long time has come back, and I'm ever so thankful for that. And for that reality check-- isn't it funny how hard you can be on yourself when it comes to the talents you wish to pursue? After I played guitar all week-long and for 2 masses that Sunday, people were telling me, "You're the best guitarist we've ever had!" and, "All the other ones who've come couldn't play well..." Not to humble myself, but I really had no idea what the heck I was playing (especially at the mass), since I played everything on the fly. I came 5 minutes before mass started and was told to follow along with the arrangements and play the sheet music (with chord names above). I didn't do half bad but I sure didn't feel entirely confident or sure of myself... And I still received that feedback. Maybe there's something I have with the guitar that just makes sense and "clicks" that others don't exactly have... I know my guitar teacher has praised me well over the years of how quickly I catch on, but instead of being so hard on myself, maybe I should pride myself on how well I can actually play... and how much potential I still can accomplish.

~

The day after mass, I was able to finally see my best friend Ayana Giann after weeks and weeks of not seeing her since graduation! It's oh so nice to be able to come back and reconnect, and feel as if a large gap of time never broke your friendship. All you need is to catch up, converse, and make music-- what it is that brought you two together in the first place. I can't exactly describe how thankful I am to have created this friendship with her. I've no worries about my friendship with her, because we both know that we'll always be seeing each other in the future. We'll have coffee together after work and we'll talk about the children and family and relationships and work jobs... We'll be babysitting each others kids and giving them rides to places... We might even play music for our kids. LOL hahahah! I can't even imagine 'lil old Rachel and Giann as mommies doing that. (I don't want to picture that... I'm entirely terrified by the thought as of now!)

There's something so beautiful about having a best friend. After so many years of lacking friendships and feeling so ever alone many times, it's so nice to have this. I'm afraid I did take our friendship for granted in the beginning years (there were just so many things I was caught up with each year!), but I'm still grateful for how our friendship has panned out. November Kairos--although we purposely avoided each other--really put things into perspective for me, as I was able to truly value our friendship and see what truly lies around me. There's nothing to be afraid of... Anyhow, enough reminiscing!

We've discovered many new upcoming songs to cover. How about I admit that "I Need You In It" because I'm gonna "Make It Mine"? :) But, for now, please enjoy our "Lovesong" to you,

~

After sleeping over Giann's house, I went home around 6pm, got ready to take a family portrait for my church (which didn't end until 10:30pm or so), ate Pho with my family, then went home to pack for "The Voice" as my brother scored tickets for it last minute. Yes, that's right, I was going to "The Voice" finale to support Dia Frampton for one last time before her stardom begins. Words cannot even describe how grateful I am for Meg & Dia for not only helping me throughout middle school and beyond, but for also shaping me into the person I am-- and inspiring me all the same to pursue my real wants, dreams, and passions in music and literature.

I felt gross as ever, but I went to my brother's apartment in San Jose around 12am or so and went to sleep at 2am or so, waking up at 5am that morning to leave with my brother's friend (and fellow Meg & Dia fan/"boardie") and his sister. Funny, brother-sister and brother-sister, haha! We left for L.A. at around 7am and arrived in Burbank by noon to eat. Goodness, I better get used to those rides. We stood in line for 4 hours (yes, that's right, 4 hours!) because I had General Tickets as opposed to Priority Tickets (who get in first), so the earlier we got there the better. After 4 long grueling hours of waiting there with everyone else, they admitted us and Anthony and I got to stay in the "pit", right up close to the stage. It couldn't have been any better, and I couldn't have been any more energetic. hahaha. Funny how Hollywood is so fake! "Clap above your head! Shout, cheer, applaud! Have tears running down your face! We need energy!" Goodness, fake energy and crowd support for such talented performers. It's too weird, because they're so talented but we're applauding them in such a fake and superficial manner. Catching a live TV taping sure is fun-- but I don't think I could ever do that again! Too much of a hassle, I swear. But 'twas fun and definitely worth the hassle. We ate dinner around 8pm or so (after the show), then headed straight back home from L.A. So much driving in one day! Haha, we're crazy. But that just shows how dedicated Meg & Dia fans we are. I love it. We arrived back in San Jose around 1am and I didn't go to sleep 'til much later.

Here's what I had to say after that night:

"Dia Frampton, I'm so very glad I made it to the live finale taping earlier tonight. The sleepless night, 12-hour drive, and 4-hours in line was well worth it (no matter how spontaneous it was to decide to go down there!)! Seeing you again just reassured all of my foremost feelings. Coming back down to give us a handshake (I think you stared down my Chandler the Robot cocoon!) just truly proved to me how you've never really changed. You're still the same Dia I've always known, still reaching out to her fans, even at "The Voice" (oh boy how I would've died and cried in that pit if you won!) I'm still so thrilled I was out there to support you on behalf of us Meg & Dia fans. Congrats! Very proud and very thrilled for what's next! Just have fun with it, ♥ always"

3 sleepless nights, 12-hour drives in one day, greasy hair, no showers and sweat, filthy mouths... It was all so worth it. I think I know what it'd be like to tour all the time, haha. I haven't slept in my own bed in so long, but oh how I could get used to it as long as I've things to do! ...minus the no showers. Oh how the power of a guitar and music can move you places--literally!

Jade (one of Meg and Dia's younger sisters) wrote such a well-written post about her personal experience with Dia's journey on "The Voice". Here's an excerpt:

"Dia, the goal of the event was to spread the word about you.  It was to help “The Voice” in letting people hear your own voice.  It was about reaching out to people and letting them experience the little miracle that you bring to the world.  And, unexpectedly, I was presented with a whole network of people who enjoy and appreciate what you do.  And, unexpectedly, they showed me what music can do.  I forgot about how powerful one voice can be.  I forgot about how one voice can turn into thousands.  Thank you for the reminder."

Here's an interview written about Meg Frampton on when she went to a live taping. This coincides with everything I felt that night:

"Twenty-six-year-old Meg Frampton, Dia’s sister and fellow band member, was pleasantly surprised when she went to attend a taping of “The Voice” for the first time and saw her sister unchanged by her newfound fame. “You’d think she would be decked out now that she is becoming ‘famous,’” Meg Frampton said taking to her blog Chandlertherobot.blogspot.com. “I half expected her to have glitter on her eyes, perfectly manicured nails, and those sky-high heels that are so trendy in California right now, but she didn’t. Just like her usual self, she wore a pair of scruffy navy blue sweats … and not even a tad of makeup.”"

This is how I know she hasn't changed at all. Dia's presence on stage was so familiar. Her mannerisms (like always) coincided with mine, her coming to greet us and recognizing my "Cocoon" necklace... It was so comforting to finally have closure with Dia's presence on "The Voice". I've been so afraid for so long that that intimate relationship with Meg & Dia's fans would be lost, and, as much as that may happen, I can say with confidence that they still will be who they always were to me. They've valued their fans so much over the years that the "boardies", or hardcore fans, have almost become like family to them. That, or Meg & Dia has become a fan group, haha. But it's ridiculous how incredibly dedicated and passionate Meg & Dia (and now Dia) fans are-- I've never met any other sort of fan base. Dia is in such good hands now, thanks to "The Voice" and the people she's met (most especially the sweet Blake Shelton!). I'm growing as much as they are growing-- all at the same time. It's time to let them go into the world to touch other people, just as they've touched me. This day sure was coming for them, but I'm glad I was there to witness the ride. This band has provided me with so much, and really started it all for me... This is both our our break-out periods.

My week started with playing music for a church camp to making covers with my best friend, to ending with the one who started it all for me... It couldn't have been more perfect.