"Don't do what you love. Love what you do."

It's times like these I just want to ask myself, "What are you waiting for?"

Year after year, my new year's resolutions seem to resemble each other in so many ways. Yes, keep your values. Yes, get better at guitar. Yes, make music. Yes, perform, record, write, love, live, and be kind to others... Those are the most important things I've kept in my life and I consistently tell myself every year that I will sing and I will record this year.

I can say happily my other new year's goals have been fulfilled without a doubt and with hardly any unease. When will I truly challenge myself, and step out of my comfort zone and do what I really want to do-- the hidden messages found inbetween the lines?

Looking back at all of the accomplishments I've had these past 4 years, I am proud of where I stand today. But, like any other girl, I keep wanting to do better and be better. It's true, we are our own worst enemies and nobody will critique you harder than yourself. I've gone from that shy mute girl transformed into a graceful cultured dancer into a guitar-playing junkie into a writer and visionary into a student-run club leader, full-out friend, and student retreat leader, leaving others with all my grace and all the imprints I've left on their lives, and somehow their hearts, with the story of my life. But, that was only the beginning.

"In the last few weeks of school, I think the rest of the world got to see the side of you it truly needed to see." Accepting your past is the only way to move into the future, and as I did that, it amazes me to see where I stand now...

Have you ever heard of the dreamer's disease? Probably not, because I just made that up, ha! but really, dreaming really is a disease... When you're stuck in this state of mind where you're in another world? Where you keep dreaming of some ideal world when you don't appreciate the most of what's in front of you? Maybe you've come to have a little pride along the way, thinking you're better than those things around you? You keep telling yourself you'll be happy later down the road when you get "that"?

Well tell me, "that" is just grazing your fingertips. Rid of all your "I will's" and start doing the "I am's", and take the steps necessary to get there... A big problem I've always had was fear. It's taken me a long while to grow fully comfortable in my own body, as I'm still insecure and entirely shy in front of people I don't know... The thought of leaving some place you've grown so comfortable in, in your own kind of "bubble", is scary... and I've fears of stepping outside of my own comfort zone without someone else telling me things as if "I'm already there" or "You're already great". I need to grow up and be able to do these things without the help or support of a friend.... Because all they say is what I already know, but choose to deny in the back of my mind.

One easy way to re-live my "growth" is by watching all my old youtube videos in chronological order... My old videos of my guitar-playing are absolutely horrific (I think). but, as I'm still growing now, I would've never gotten to now if it weren't for before-- as cliche as it sounds.

Anyway, as I must say to myself as well, "Don't do what you love-- Love what you do." Makes you think twice ya? Doing something instead of actually loving it... Surround yourself with positive people and just be you-- whatever you may be and what it is you do... Now that's the true guarantee to a happy life!

P.S. As a side note, I just want to say, "I miss you." If you're a follower of my other blog, you would've seen a little note I said of missing this particular person. How we've been too out of touch for too long, and how a rarity like ours should never be ignored, especially when she said, "I hope my daughter grows up to be like you." My goodness-- go ahead and make my heart just plummet! (It's too sweet of a thing to say...) I may have taken my friendships for granted, and it does disappoint me. I think this person deserves a call. Very very soon. Just to reunite and catch up, like old times. Because, after all, "What are you waiting for?" Tell people how you feel before it's too late! Ha!